41. Frankenfido

Frankenfido

10 March 1975

Frankenfido is a delightfully silly episode. Unusually for The Goodies, it is more or less devoid of social commentary (save for the obvious dig at dog owners and the lengths to which they’ll go to have their precious pets excel at shows like Crufts!). It both harks back to Series 2’s Kitten Kong and anticipates Series 6’s Black and White Beauty, yet with a manic energy all its own.

Frankenfido moves quickly. Whereas in Kitten Kong it takes 8 minutes for the lads to think up their scheme for monetising animal care and then for Tim and Bill to collect all the neighbourhood pets and take them back to the office (where Graeme has established his clinic), in Frankenfido Graeme has gone rogue right from the outset. Three and a half minutes in, we’re presented with Rover, the long-haired Pug / mop-head who serves most prop-docilely to satirise the notion of novelty breeds:

Picture: Tim and Bill inspect the mop-head–shaped lump of fluff. Tim turns it upside down. They point at each other. Dialogue from the episode: Tim: Okay, boy. Sit! There’s a good doggy. Sit. Sit! Sit? Bill: There’s nothing in there, you know. Tim: Of course there is. Okay, boy. Sit! Bill: You know, I reckon Graeme’s just sent us the top off an old mop. He thinks we’re a couple of fools, he does. Tim: Wait a minute. [turns dog upside down] Bill/Tim: Ahhhh! Tim: Sit, boy. Sit!! Bill: Perhaps it is sitting. Tim: Yeah, possibly. Okay now, Rover. Die— Bill: Rover?. Tim: Yes. Die for the queen! Die, for the queen! Bill: I reckon he already has done.

By the seven-minute mark, Graeme has moved on to breeding dogs with other species: Yorkshire Terrier with lion; Chihuahua with rock salmon; French Poodle with frog; and of course Cocker Spaniel with parrot:

Picture: Graeme looking up as his flying, leashed, Cocker Spaniel / parrot cross lays an egg, which falls on his face. Dialogue from the episode: Bill: What the hell was that?! Graeme: One of my failures, I’m afraid. They wanted me to produce a talking dog, so I crossed a Cocker Spaniel with a parrot... Utter failure. Can’t say a word.

At eleven and a half minutes, after a brief chase scene (to ‘Come Back’, from The Goodies and the Beanstalk), he moots the possibility of breeding dogs with inanimate objects!

Three dog owners lead out, respectively, an armchair, a Dalmatian-spotted stove, and a toilet.

This, really, is the height of absurdity; conceptually speaking (ha!), the subsequent Frankensteinian manufacture of a dog (twenty minutes) is actually a step down, albeit Graeme is assembling his creation from human parts. Frankenfido herself doesn’t appear until the final four minutes, and the lads leave themselves with nowhere to go save a second chase sequence (again, to ‘Come Back’) and a non-event ending where Frankenfido and Bill (qua Cuddly Scamp) are shown to have had a puppy together.

In short, this week’s episode contains plenty of movement but not much substance. Does that matter? Not really! The laughs come thick and fast, and the Super Chaps supply the usual magic sparkles by way of props, puns and madcap visual hijinks. Some of the Crufts scenes verge on genuine surrealism: Tim playing the banjo while a dog-suited Bill dances and Graeme flies by, carried by his parrot-dog; the general melee during which Tim is bitten, first by the North Sea Gas Dalmatian ‘Eyelevel Grill II’ and then by ‘Royal Flush’, a King[1] Charles Lavatory.

The Goodies, of course, had long since shown themselves to be physical comedians par excellence. As ever, their acting chops are on display:

As described.

…and so twenty-six minutes fly by. Frankenfido is a relative short episode (the outdoor sequences, in particular, are more brief than we’re accustomed to), yet struts its stuff with the kind of bulletproof confidence that would soon see the Super Chaps elevate their unique brand of comedy to even more outrageous and experimental heights…

Jacob Edwards, 10 March 2025

Tweets:

Tim watches on as Graeme orders Bill, in his Cuddly Scamp costume, to get off the couch.
Two wicker baskets, one marked ‘BREEDING’ and the other ‘BRED’; Graeme’s nurse pours a tin of Duluxe paint into a dog bowl, attended by an English Sheepdog.
Picture: Tim and Bill stand together, Bill holding the green-stained Rover. Dialogue from the episode: Tim: [reading] ‘This dog should reach you in perfect condition. If you have any complaints, please return it, plus wrapping, to Garden Kennels and we will gladly replace it with the same or another brand new novelty breed. Hundreds to choose from! Show dogs a speciality. Your chance to win at Crufts! Hurry, hurry, hurry—’ [turns to Bill] He’s not just doing it for us; he’s doing it for everybody. Bill: Well, the miserable breeder.
As described.
Picture: Tim and Bill open up a basket marked ‘DISGUISES’. The basket shuts, revealing Tim plus Bill (presumably) in a dalmatian suit; Tim with Cuddly Scamp sitting on a chair, playing the violin, and celebrating in the newly assembled motor car. Dialogue from the episode: Graeme: Cuddly Scamp? Come off it! Look, we all know it’s just Bill in a skin. Tim: It is not! Graeme: It is! Tim: Can you see Bill winning an obedience and intelligence prize?
Pictures: Graeme with a cleaver, contemplating Tim’s legs. Graeme handing Tim a list. Graeme hoisting an antenna through a hole in the roof. Graeme looking around wildly as various explosions go off. Dialogue from the episode: Graeme: I’m only using the very best-quality parts... There’s me chopping list. Tim: You’re just chopping up poor, innocent little doggies, aren’t you? Graeme: I’m not just chopping up poor, innocent little doggies! I’m chopping up all sorts of things...
Frankenfido rides the trandem. Cuddly Scamp rides Frankenfido.
Frankenfido; Tim and Bill try to persuade Rover to jump through a hoop; Graeme with Frankenfido; the Goodies stare up at an unseen parrot/dog.

[1] If extrapolating from ‘Royal’ Doulton, why stop at ‘Prince’?

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Jacob Edwards