Rare Unsigned Copy
by Simon Petrie

Published in: Theaker's Quarterly 34 (Autumn 2010)

Pages: 142-144.

Editors: Stephen Theaker & John Greenwood

Publisher: Silver Age Books (UK)

ISBN: 1746-6083 (Print)

ISBN: 1746-6075 (Online)


Otherwise known as:

Rocket Man, Burning his l'gumes in Pan-Seared Chrome

Stimulus Response:

When Simon Petrie foolishly offered copies of his new collection to those who indulged in the most profligate spates of self-googling, I undertook to learn a little more about myself:

I am a library.

This is an exciting thing to be (even if I am located in Massachusetts) and I have my own gospel choir. Hallelujah! But I have been so much more throughout my life. Strange that I would have forgotten these things, but looking back...

In 2001 I featured in Bullwinkle (a chess club)'s quest to win the 'Brass Razoo'. No, really. The photo is uncanny.

In 2004 I dabbled in writing and was the author of 4 botanically themed graded reader books (not available in Massachusetts but nevertheless on shelf at most Australian public libraries -- in fact, not a single one out on loan, anywhere).

From 2006-2007 I was an administrator at O'maley Middle School in Gloucester (again, Massachusetts) achieving 30 out of a possible 30 on ('i love this man and he's amazing and me and erica love him' / 'he told me i was his 'shining star' and made me cry when i left the school').

Since 2007 I have styled myself as an actor (casting age: 25-35) with a penchant for children's television and pink writing. (IMDB review: ''oh my gawd' was this show embarrassing. I have put up with crap like Saved By The Bell and Sabrina but this is the worst piece of television I have ever seen').

Since 2008 I have followed a parallel career in spazz jazz, and have 3 digital albums for download: 'Alcidez' (with 15 tracks imaginatively labelled 'Alcidez 1' through 'Alcidez 15'); 'Ligeia'; 'Just a Feeling'. 2010 has been a good year. I've played drums for the Avett Brothers (they have a lead banjoist) and a few months ago I was named's player of the week (position on the field: 'Doritos and up the gut').

Life is peachy -- hey, I'm Kawai's 'King of the Hurdles' -- but even if it all goes pear-shaped I know that, no matter what the future holds, I'll always have my books.


  - random selection from the unpublished memoire, Freefall